Oh I went to sleep flying.
And I woke up in bed.
But my mind was still floating,
3 feet out of my head.
And I’m watching it wonder.
And I’m watching it dream.
I’m watching the plot twist,
and unfold the scene.
It seems like a movie,
up there on the screen.
I see the pro-jection,
come out like a beam.
And I’m watching it breathless,
I’m watching it stunned.
Though the story was speechless,
it shot back like a gun.
The short life I’ve been living,
played back at high speed.
Each move had such meaning.
Each touch had such need.
Up there as it flickers,
all the love, all the rage.
Streaming back in raw emotion.
My heart bursting, out of it’s cage.
Category: Poetry (Page 4 of 7)
Oh I try to write a masterpiece,
but nothing hits the page.
With scribbled lines, symbols, and signs,
but nothing seems as sage.
Oh all these days and still I fight,
the silly dreams I have at night.
I’ve found I’ve got no appetite,
for fantasy and games.
Oh all these hopes and all these prayers,
I’m drowning in my self despair.
I finally found I can’t compare,
there’s no two things the same.
Oh I woke up this morning,
sunbeams in my face.
Found that’s just a feeling,
that can’t be replaced.
Last night I was dreaming,
dreaming ’bout the coast.
We could catch the train with my father,
and, I’ll be the son,
and you can be the holy ghost.
You can be the, hol-y ghost.
I know it’s messed up but,
I make the, most.
I miss my father.
I miss my, holy ghost.
Oh I don’t mind the rain this evening.
At least outside it’s not deceiving.
At best inside I feel the same;
a soggy soul, a mess with pain.
Oh death I know I can’t restrain,
and things will never feel the same.
But I’m blood of blood and I’m still here.
And I swear I won’t go beer for beer.
And I’ll try not to go fear for fear.
But I can’t help going tear for tear.
Oh I have to find the faith to move on.
It’s not a dusk, it’s just a new dawn.
It’s not an end, it’s just a start,
and I swear you’ll live on in my heart.
As you depart and I remain,
I promise not to hold this pain.
I promise not to hold this sting.
Though I’ll hold on to everything.
Oh everything you said to me,
about loving life and living free.
About living here and holding strong.
And though you’ve gone on,
you haven’t gone away.
Let the poets’ love,
linger back to sleep.
With all those funny thoughts,
they’ve kept tongue in cheek.
Though those thoughts are cheap,
they still make me weep,
cause it’s only thoughts,
and flaws I can keep.
Well, well, well,
my soul’s on fire.
It’s only been weeks,
but it feels like years.
Oh I been movin’,
just to keep to keep from cryin’.
My soul’s been shakin’,
but I can’t shed these tears.
And somethin’ put a hole in me.
Oh somethin’ put a hole in me.
And I feel on fire,
when the sun shines in.
Oh my, my,
my heart is sinkin’.
Look at me now,
it’s almost on the floor.
Oh I don’t know,
oh what was I thinkin’.
Why am I waiting,
when I don’t know what for?
And somethin’ put a hole in me.
Oh somethin’ put a hole in me.
And I feel on fire,
when the sun shines in.
And I will hold you.
And I will love you.
And I will let you down,
oh every time.
And I don’t want you.
Don’t want to love you.
But I still need you.
Can’t get you off’a my mind.
I said my Dad died Monday.
On Tuesday drew a new tattoo.
By Thursday I had hit the ground runnin’,
but by Friday I was feelin’ so blue.
But then the spring turned summer,
and man the months they flew.
And now I’m lookin’ back through September,
with October I don’t know what I’ll do.
They say you die with nothin’,
I hope that you could say it ain’t true.
Cause though I don’t know if you’re still with me,
I hope you know my love is with you.
Sometimes I don’t even know why,
but I get so low that I just can’t cry.
I get so down that I wanna get high,
cause I don’t wanna feel low no more.
Some days got me feelin’ this way,
cause I still can’t hope and sure can’t pray.
I still can’t smile cause I just can’t say,
I’ll be better when the winter unfolds.
Somehow well I always get down,
and I can’t get by feelin’ lost not found.
It’s a sad, sad record spinnin’ round and round,
when your faith’s no place and your face just frowns.
Oh I never hurt anybody,
least that’s what I say to myself;
but I disagree with you’ve done to me.
Don’t you hear when I yelp?
Now you’ve got me to lie in the corner,
you’ve got me to cry at your feet.
You’ve got me to beg for a spot in your bed,
like a dog who’s been beat.
Now I just don’t think I can handle,
No I don’t think I can hold.
I used to think that I loved you,
but now all that love has grown cold.
And I just don’t think there’s a heat that could heat up,
this heart in my chest.
Cause my heart skipped a beat that it just can’t repeat,
on the day that you left.
But you’d say that it’s all a sham,
just a scam to get into your pants.
That I never gave a goddamn,
about any sorts of romance.
But I feel like you say this to hurt me,
and you know it hurts to my core.
A dick with no brain, that just can’t refrain;
why not call me a whore?
With my pride all spread out on the table,
and my heart thrown down on the floor.
Well I’ll pick them both up, get up on my luck,
and get out of that door.
Cause I just don’t think I deserve this;
no I’ve never been less than real;
and I’m sorry that you have to hate me,
for the way that I feel.
Hard times, I’ve had.
Why do I feel so goddamn bad?
I cried, all night.
Tried not to, but I lost the fight.
I begged, please go.
There’s not much time left now I know.
I cursed, he screamed.
I think it all feels like a dream.
But I just, can’t say,
I didn’t know I’d see this day.
Death please, I sang,
why do we have to play this game?
I thought love would be easy,
but then livin’s been hard.
So I find myself prayin’,
but my faith has been scarred.
So I whimper on late nights,
at home by myself.
Cause I’m startin’ to hate life.
Hopin’ angels might help.
But of God I’ve been leary.
Weary in between dreams.
Just hopin’ my spirit,
won’t burst at the seams.
Cause my ego’s been busted,
and my karma’s worn thin.
Worn out by the false trust,
of a life filled with sin.
I’ve had lust more than lovers.
Crushes in between flings.
Tryin’ to find myself in others,
cause my weary heart stings.
I wish my heart would grow wings.
Wouldn’t it be, wouldn’t it make,
sense if it all fell into place?
Wouldn’t you say, wouldn’t you know,
you’re higher than you thought you could go?
Oh wouldn’t it be grand,
if I could understand?
Cause lately I been down,
and I gotta to get off the ground.
But couldn’t I get high?
Oh couldn’t I get by?
Oh couldn’t I just lie?
Oh couldn’t I just try?
But wouldn’t it be cool?
Oh couldn’t it be fine?
Or am I a big fool,
for thinking you’d be mine?
But wouldn’t it be great,
if it would just make sense for a while?
Think I got it bad.
Think I got it bad.
Thought it was you I had,
but I caught a snag.
Love is such a drag.
Thought it was you I had,
but I caught a snag,
and now I’m tied up so tight.
Another waking night,
where I stayed up past dawn.
Another broken pawn,
with the same jeans on,
that I wore last night.
Another losing fight,
despite my attempts to stay calm.
Oh with my sweaty palms,
and my furrowed brow;
and I would calm down,
if I just knew how,
but my mind won’t allow me to rest;
and my face only shows my distress.
Lord how you test.
Oh lord how you test.
His role in life was to be a penny.
A hundreth of a real man after all.
Falling through fingers,
drifting from pocket to pocket.
Rolling down the sidewalk,
hoping somebody’d pick him up.
Shimmer as he’s spinning,
gleaming under street lights,
this 50/50 living eats him up inside.
A hundred of him just to make a dollar.
Sometimes he feels like that is all he’s earned.
He’s been swallowed, he’s been laughed at,
everybody takes their turn.
He’s been wished on, he was wanted,
he once was a vital piece,
but now he’s drifting endlessly,
on the ground beneath your feet.
He’s been beat up, he’s been busted,
everybody’s lost their trust in,
this rusted shard of copper,
in that crack between your seats.
But he’s still metal, once was molten,
before he was pressed into this mold.
He wishes he was golden,
but knows that pennies can’t be gold.
So he grows older, changes pigment,
goes from from shiny brown to blue.
Though there’s newer pennies out there,
he finds for him his use is through.
Cause he’s been thrown out, he’s been wasted,
left in that stupid penny tray.
Nobody really needs him,
so they just throw him away.
But he was lucky, they should have loved him,
they should have kept him in a jar,
but one hundred thousand pennies,
still won’t get you very far.
….
His role in life in life was to be a leper.
Nobody’d ever even hold his hand.
I just,
don’t know what to do with myself.
I tried,
none of it helps.
I cried,
and screamed myself blue.
Don’t know what to do,
and nobody hears me at all.
I cling,
and try to stay firm.
I feel like a germ,
and you won’t even answer my calls.
I don’t,
seem to know why,
that you aren’t my,
well I don’t know.
Why won’t,
won’t my heart float?
Won’t my heart hope,
Won’t my heart grow up?
Why can’t,
can’t she just see,
me for just me?
God I’m all shook up.
I just,
don’t know what to do about this.
I tried,
but I feel ridiculous.
I sighed,
but I don’t wanna get myself down.
Sometimes,
I feel like a clown.
I just,
don’t understand.
I thought it was planned,
I’m amazed how fast it falls through.
One night,
I’m holdin’ your hand,
Oh one more night,
and you don’t wanna see me no more.
I can’t,
wait to be gone.
Wait to move on.
Wait to lose sight.
I hope,
hope that I’ll heal.
Hope to find real,
to find out what’s right.
I just,
don’t know what to do about her.
I tried,
I’m still not sure.
I thought,
for once that the answer was yes.
Turns out,
it might be much less.
I thought,
things could be more.
What do I think for?
I think I’ll just fade.
I thought,
things could be more.
What do I think for?
I think you’re just a waste of my time.
I walk away,
and only when I’m feeling lonely,
is when you make me feel so bad.
And when I’m sad I’m sinkin’,
lonely nights I get to drinkin’,
thinkin’ bout the things I used to have.
And when I’m mad with sorrow,
thinkin’ bout the time I borrowed.
Thinkin’ bout tomorrow when today I should have grabbed.
But back when I was golden,
long before the hearts I’d stolen.
Long before the soul I sold,
before these days and nights grew cold,
before these days were filled with pain,
Lord fill my mold with Novocaine.